Here we go…Apple pie (you know, the staple American dessert since Betsy Ross first stitched the first star-spangled banner together) has now become a symbol of white supremacy and the colonial oppression of foreign lands.

No, I’m not making this up

In fact, like you, when I first read the headline, I assumed that it was a joke. Maybe it was a post from a parody site, I thought. But it wasn’t. This was a piece of actual news, and now it looks like the Left is going to take its woke nonsense into the dessert world too.


All this fuss over A PIE!!

The world is going absolutely CRAZY!

How did this come to be?

How did the dessert that Americans have been eating for HUNDREDS of years become a symbol of white supremacy overnight?

Well, sit back and we’ll tell you the tale about the end of Americana as we know it.

The Demonizing Deliciousness Of Apple Pie

Of course, this comes to us from The Guardian, a Liberal rag that featured food writer Raj Patel who claims that apple pie was born of colonialism and slavery, choosing to hang his hat on how apples had first arrived in North America from central Asia some 4,000 years ago.

In the piece, titled “Food injustice has deep roots: let’s start with America’s apple pie,” Patel claims the dessert has “bloody origins” and is “as American as stolen land, wealth and labor.”

If this doesn’t make you want to rap Patel (a Brit who obviously seem to be suffering from some sour grapes over America’s superiority to his home country but now holds US citizenship) around the ears, then you may have to have your American card REVOKED!

Whether Patel has a real issue with apple pie’s American-ness or he’s simply trying to be a provocateur has yet to be discovered—but from listening to him explain his issues with the dessert, it seems clear that he just truly has a problem with the idea of the pie existing.

Patel said, “Apples traveled to the western hemisphere with colonists in the 1500s in what used to be called the Columbian Exchange, but is now better understood as a vast and ongoing genocide of Indigenous people.”

Oh boy… he went there.

He said that English colonizers used apple trees “as markers of civilization, which is to say property,” in new lands where they settled.

He added, “John Chapman, better known as Johnny Appleseed, took these markers of colonized property to the frontiers of US expansion where his trees stood as symbols that Indigenous communities had been extirpated.”

Seriously, you sure you don’t want to give him a bump on the head for this revisionist history?

God Is Good, People Are Weird And America Is Racist

I sure do.

If you don’t yet, then you should listen to him drone on about how he linked the sugar from the crust to the French slavery trade in New Orleans, where the city “had become a concomitant hub of the slave trade” as sugar’s popularity grew beyond comprehension.

Nothing is safe from the Left’s scrutiny anymore.


However, it does get worse. Patel went on to say that “violence, exploitation, poverty, and profit” has been involved in the production of many of America’s favorite food items, from anything like a bar of chocolate to a tuna sandwich to a chicken nugget.

He’s right about ONE thing there: profit has and will be a valid driver behind any innovation, be it food or any other industry.

However, he forgot that if we go back far enough, all people groups have atrocities in their history. At least in the US, we fixed it shortly after our nation was born.

But that won’t stop perennial victims like Patel from fighting for social justice, or, as the writer likes to say, “food justice,” saying, “The history of the US food system has always, however, been one of struggle. ‘Food justice’ is a term that is intelligible only because oppressed and exploited communities have organized for redress against the predations of US capitalism.”

Like I said, what’s next after apple pie?

Baseball? The concept of “Mom?”

Neither would surprise me…

But still, anyone who hates apple pie deserves a slap in the head. It may not knock any sense into them, but at least it’d annoy them…and since guys like Patel annoy me, I can call the books square.


“Tolerance is the value that was selected to put on here, and tolerance is as American as apple pie.” – Jay Inslee